15 September 2013

Longing for a Drop of Vitamin Z

You will often hear pregnant women say that they are totally exhausted. This is most common in the first and third trimesters for a variety of reasons: hormonal changes, discomfort while sleeping (yes, even in the first month!), the nausea/hunger cycle, and when you get bigger, it takes more energy to carry that extra baby weight around, and more energy for your heart to pump all of the extra blood your body has produced. There is supposed to be this magical reprieve in your second trimester, when you have more energy and generally just feel better...

And then there is me. 20-year insomnia sufferer. I don't usually find myself wide awake for the whole night; I'll fall asleep eventually, after my thoughts finally turn off, then wake for a long stretch, then sleep, then wake, then sleep. And sometimes, I get to spend entire nights in a limbo, where I'm not fully awake or asleep. Those are the worst, I think. Though there are times it hits seemingly at random, the pattern is usually the same; it's periodic, lasts for weeks or maybe months, and sneaks up at the worst of times - usually when my hormones are out of whack, or when I am stressed out. I'm kind of both right now, so it's been Zombie City for the last month or so.

(1) Our car broke down and died while we were driving it. (2) We decided that now was a good time to learn to drive stick... and we live in one of the most hilly city areas probably in Canada. It's been an adventure. (3) I am an administrator for a large dance school and classes just started, so I have been flat out at work. (4) Three buildings by my home burned down about two weeks ago, and in the process, we were evacuated for a full day and night. We didn't know if we would have a home to go back to at the end of it. Thankfully, the firefighters were able to contain the blaze and our row of homes was saved. However, the repercussions of the clean-up will continue to affect us for several weeks yet, including being displaced again for a week or two very soon for clean-up purposes.

Basically, I feel like I'm running on fumes most days. I'm not nearly as mentally sharp as I normally am, I have a shorter fuse, and my energy levels are almost nil. I usually make it to the end of the day, tired, but able to function, but by the time I get home, I am barely forming sentences. Exercise has been out of the question. The messy storage/craft room that is going to be the nursery has not yet been touched, so baby things that we have accumulated dominate the rest of the house as they wait for a home. The house is often a mess, and I haven't cooked much (sadly, since I like food again!). Thankfully, I have a husband who still tells me that I'm beautiful (in my mumbling, messy-haired, purple-rimmed eye glory) and does his best to understand. He often does my share of the chores in addition to his own...and his full-time and part-time jobs. He's pretty much my hero.

I am hoping that the doctor can offer some sort of relief at my next appointment, but I am not holding my breath. I'm still holding out for some of that magical second trimester energy...if I can just get some sleep.

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